Why I started

I often find myself in the clutches of mind-numbing anxiety and sadness. I am a young adult in my early twenties, so it is pretty normal to have these feelings. However, with time, it has become extremely difficult for me to manage these feelings. "The Plan" that was supposed to unravel in the previous years was somehow thrown outside the window and instead some pretty random events started occurring. I couldn't, for the life of me, fathom, what or how things were unfolding. I am still in the midst of the chaos and to add to my petty woes, the one person who was supposed to be my constant, my partner, my best friend, my husband-to-be(i know, eye roll) suddenly fell out of love with me and started avoiding me altogether. this year brought the most miserable birthday of my lifetime till now. I have tears welling up even as I write this because all this has been pent up within me for ages. It has been a month since all of this happened. College ended post some excruciatingly long exams which I ended up acing even as my heart and mind were in a mess. The guy and I were in the same class and seeing him before every exam brought my heart into my mouth. That is why I ended up being extremely distracted and disjointed during all my exams. However, the worst part is that my friends don't understand my pain. They are still friends with that guy and have fun with him, but I am all alone. I can't suddenly go back to being friends with him when I can't come to terms with the fact that we are no longer "in love" as was supposed to be true for our entire lifetime. I am hurting and crying so much, I don't know how people move on so easily. He has not once enquired about me, my health or my life. It's hard to believe that we were once in love. What hurts me the most right now is that I trusted him so much from day one. I defied my parents to be with him. I knew that even if the entire world hurt me, he would never do such a thing. He loved me so genuinely, he would never drive a spear through my heart. And now, I am all alone with my bleeding heart and there he is with his numerous friends, having a gala time. Boys can be mean, but not the one I chose! Mine was different!  I am tired of thinking so much, day in and day out. Life has started haunting me. Nothing makes me happy anymore. I don't know how to overcome this feeling. So, I just decided to pour my heart out over here. This is going to be my place and my time for tranquility and sanity. I have decide to start this blog as a means to discover my thoughts which are entangled in the net of lies of thoughtless men whose first aim was to deceive and hurt the person they were with. I do regret that I truusted the wrong person when he gave me so many signs that he was completely wrong. I am still thankful that I came out when there was still time and I could save myself the agony of a failed marriage or an unbearable long-term relationship. The pain will reduce soon, but until then, I have plans of keeping myself busy in myriad activities each day and I shall be writing about my experiences at the end of each day. This is me and the hope that this "me " shall improve with each passing day leads me to sign off for now and indulge in some meaningful and soul-redeeming activities.

Much Love,
Bye.